I watched Wild (2014) the other day, a film that seems to keep finding me when I need it most. I remember first watching it a few years ago after stumbling across it by accident on a streaming service and thinking it sounded interesting enough to give a go, and it resonated with me so deeply. I forgot all about it, and then vaguely remembered it again a few days ago but couldn't remember what it was called, and it then randomly popped up on Netflix unprompted. It's based on an autobiographical account by Cheryl Strayed, and after her mother dies and her marriage breaks down and she goes on a completely self-destructive streak, she decides to hike 1200 miles from Mexico to Canada to get herself out of it despite having no former hiking experience. And despite making several mistakes along the way and it taking her longer than she initially imagined, she makes it and the introspection she's able to achieve from being on her own for so long allows her to forgive herself for her past so that she's able to move on from it: "What if I forgive myself? What if I was sorry? But if I could go back in time, I wouldn't do a single thing differently. What if I wanted to sleep with every single one of those men? What if heroin taught me something? What if all those things I did were the things that got me here? What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was?"
Although my own personal experiences are nothing like Cheryl's, her journey and the way she tells it feels so personal to me, and it's filled with so many poignant moments and quotes that really touch my soul. It almost makes me want to cut myself off from society and hike like that, but I know more than anything it's inspiring because she's taking control of her own life, despite societal expectations or people thinking she's crazy for doing it or any underlying danger that she may put herself in. She takes that risk and jumps, and becomes a better person for it and watching it feels like a breath of fresh air.
"After I lost myself in the wilderness of my grief, I found my own way out of the woods. And I didn't even know where I was going until I got there, on the last day of my hike. Thank you, I thought over and over again, for everything the trail had taught me and everything I couldn't yet know... I knew only that I didn't need to eat with my bare hands any more. That seeing the fish beneath the surface of the water would be enough, that it was everything. My life, like all lives, mysterious, irrevocable, sacred, so very close, so very present, so very belonging to me. How wild it was, to let it be?"
I want to read the book it's based on, I recognise Cheryl's name from inspiring quotes I've read in the past so I'm looking forward to delving into it and seeing how it compares to the movie. I looked at Cheryl's Instagram account to see what she's like now, which lead me on to Reese Witherspoon's (as she plays Cheryl), and then on to Jennifer Aniston's as she's worked with Reese recently on The Morning Show, and I just felt so inspired by these women how much POSITIVITY they radiate made me feel so full (even Reese's own brand is called 'hello sunshine' which is so perfect). It made me think of bloggers I used to follow with their sunshine-y, Rookie style 'girl gaze' aesthetics, and I realise that I want that, that's exactly the energy I want to radiate. I remember reading once about how Al Pacino acted like he was a movie star before he ever was as he was so confident that he would be one day, and as a natural pessimist I think that kind of assurance is a good energy to send out into the universe. I will achieve the things most important to me, they are within my grasp.
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